Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Which Form 8815 Matures

Instructions and Help about Which Form 8815 Matures

So I have a Facebook friend whose life seems perfect she lives in a gorgeous house and she's a really rewarding career and she and her family go on all these exciting adventures together on the weekends and I swear that they must take a professional photographer along with them because no matter where they go or what they do the whole family just looks beautiful and she's always posting about how blessed she is and how grateful she is for the life that she has and I get the feeling she's not just saying those things for the sake of Facebook but she truly means it how many of you have a friend kind of like that and how many of you kinda don't like that person sometimes we all do this right it's hard not to do but that way of thinking costs us something and that's what I want to talk to you about today is what our bad habits cost us maybe you scroll through your facebook feed and you think what if I roll my eyes it's just five seconds of my time how could it be hurting me well researchers have found that envying your friends on Facebook actually leads to depression that's just one of the traps that our minds can set for us have you ever complained about your boss or looked at your friends lives and thought why do they have all the luck can't help thinking that way right that way of thinking seems small in the moment in fact it might even make you feel better in the moment but that way of thinking is eating away at your mental strength there's three kinds of destructive beliefs that make us less effective and robbed us of our mental strength the first one is unhealthy beliefs about ourselves we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and while it's okay to be sad when something bad happens self-pity goes beyond that it's when you start to magnify your misfortune when you think things like why do these things always have to happen to me I shouldn't have to deal with it that way of thinking keeps you stuck keeps you focused on the problem keeps you from perfect from finding a solution and even when you can't create a solution you can always take steps to make your life or somebody else's life better but you can't do that when you're busy hosting your own pity party the second type of destructive belief that holds us back is unhealthy beliefs about others we think that other people can control us and we give away our power but as adults who live in a free country there's very few things in life that you have to do so when you say I have to work late you give away your power yeah maybe there'll be consequences if you don't work late but it's still a choice or when you say my mother-in-law drives me crazy you give away your power maybe she's not the nicest person on earth but it's up to you how you respond to her because you're in control the third type of unhealthy belief that holds us back is unhealthy beliefs about the world we tend to think that the world owes us something we think if I put in enough hard work then I deserve success but expecting success to fall into your lap like some sort of cosmic reward will only lead to disappointment but I know it's hard to give up our bad mental habits it's hard to get rid of those unhealthy beliefs that we've carried around with us for so long but you can't afford not to give them up because sooner or later you're gonna hit a time in your life where you need all the mental strength that you can muster when I was 23 years old I thought I had life all figured out I graduated from grad school I landed my first big job as a therapist I got married and I even bought a house and I thought this is gonna be great I've got this incredible jumpstart on success what could go wrong that all changed for me one day when I got a phone call from my sister she said that our mother was found unresponsive and she'd been taken to the hospital my husband Lincoln and I jumped in the car and rushed to the hospital we couldn't imagine what could be wrong my mother is only 51 she didn't have any history of heart of any kind of health problems when we got to the hospital doctors explained she'd had a brain aneurism and within 24 hours my mother who used to wake up in the morning saying it's a great day to be alive passed away that news was devastating to me my mother and I had been very close as a therapist and you want to intellectual level how to go through grief but knowing it and doing it can be two very different things it took a long time before I felt like I was really healing and then on the three-year anniversary of my mother's death some friends called and invited Lincoln and me to a basketball game coincidentally it was being played at the same auditorium Brett last seen my mother on the night before she passed away I hadn't been back there since I wasn't even sure I wanted to go back but Lincoln and I talked about it and ultimately we said maybe that'll be a good way to honor her memory so we went to the game and we actually had a really good time with our friends on the drive home that night we talked about how great it was to finally be able to go back to that place and remember my mother with a smile rather than all those feelings of sadness